FallingI expected it to hurt twice as much when you fall twice as far. Perhaps I have yet to fall though, maybe this is still the start. The lift off. When I look at what I had to loose last time I fell, was it different. Do I have more to loose now? I don't really know how to judge that but in my mind I'm happy now. I'm supposed to be happy. I have people who love me, who laugh with me, who want to be with me - simply because of who I am. I didn't have that then and as much as I think I wanted to believe I did, time has shown me that I never actually did. I thought I was on top of the world when I was actually barely above water.
Yet who I am is who I've made myself into, the product of all the decisions I've made for myself and all the deciding who I want to be, every step of the way. What are people willing to forgive? I still feel like a rebellious teenager who constantly wants to and maybe even needs to push the boundaries.
Part of me wants to scream for help; wants to get help before I fall farther than I can help myself up from again. What scares me is that some part of me wants to fall.
Last time I pulled myself out of it and became a stronger person because of it. I think. I hope.
What if I can't do it again?
I don't need help. I don't want help. I want to fix it.
I want to be superwoman and I want to manage more than possible. I want to have everything and a little more. I never want to fall unless I choose to fall.
Help?
Shame
Just saying hi! How are you, Kristi?
R
I'm good, as per usual.
Long time no speak. What have you been up to?
/K
--
// K.G.D.
Today is the big American holiday "Labor Day." To we Americans, Labor Day marks the end of Summer. Anyway, I am at my sister's house in Baltimore. It's my turn to grill dinner! So I have to go now.
Kristi, I miss you, Dear!
Richard
--
// K.G.D.
BTW, you're the first one I've heard of who likes Poppy Z Brite as well. Which is your favorite book?
I'm right handed but for a lot of purposes (not including writing) I can use my left fairly well. How come you ask? *curious*
Favorite Brite book would have to be Drawing Blood followed by Lost Souls. It always amazed me that so few people have heard of her, personally I think she's brilliant. She's one of the few authors who can write about anything really "wrong" but make it seem so okay and acceptable.
--
// K.G.D.
I asked solely because of weird reasons - the placement of your scars.
I read Drawing Blood a long time ago, and I loved it, but Lost Souls is the only one I own and therefore have reread recently. Yes, I don't understand her lack of fame either, since she's a lot better than most of the authors focusing on vampires out there. Her lack of moral high ground when it comes to her characters makes me love her.
Almost starting to get a little freaked out by people suddenly noticing and commenting on the placement of my scars... in all the years since I cut myself no one's commented on it. But in the past month I've had three people mention that and actually comment on the right-handed part.
I'd offer to lend them to you but doubt you're anywhere near where I am in Sweden. I have several of her short story collections as well but have to admit I haven't actually read all of them. Don't know why tbh, but get to that once I've finished reading Blink.
--
// K.G.D.
I guess when it rains, it pours. Perhaps it's just gotten less controversial over the years, or people have just become bolder and ruder - choose your pick. I, for one, am mostly just rude, but the question genuinely intrigued me for some reason. Scars, and especially intentional scars, show a lot about a person.
Actually, I was very surprised that after viewing your pictures realize that you're also Swedish. WTF. Well, we probably live very far apart anyway, since I reside in the far south.
Blink? I've not heard of that book. Do you refer to the one by Malcolm Gladwell?
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